Pastor's Corner 29 Nov 2007 09:20 am

Love from an autistic perspective…

For years, my whole life really, I lived in a private prison of self-judgment.  I thought that I was cold and heartless.  My actions did not reflect this belief, for the most part at least.  But inwardly, I struggled with my lack of attachment to others that I know most people feel.  When I saw a child, or heard a sad story, I would make the appropriate expressions outwardly, but internally I felt little or nothing at all.  This is still the case today.  The exceptions were with animals and in the early stages of every romantic relationship I’ve been in.  In fact, when it came to romance, I had a near obsession with the person I was with—and that obsession engulfed my emotional and physical being with a kind of stranglehold.  But eventually, that would subside, and I’d feel the way about that person that I felt for other people.  Not a kind of complacency, but a lack of emotional attachment that one would expect a reasonable person to have.  And so I came to believe that I was incapable of really loving; that in fact, I did not know or understand love.  I still think this is the case—at least when comparing love to the rules of neurotypicals.  But, I am not a neurotypical—I am mildly autistic.  Regardless of where one falls on the autism spectrum—severe or mild, I think this is the case.  Love is a difficult concept for us.  But then I remembered this: “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud.  Love is not rude, is not selfish, and does not get upset with others.  Love does not count up wrongs that have been done.  Love is not happy with evil but is happy with the truth.  Love patiently accepts all things.  It always trusts, always hopes, and always remains strong… Love never ends.” (1st Corinthians 13:4-8) So whether you love in the emotional, attached way that is expected, or whether you love through the cocoon of autism, the best way to love is God’s way.  It’s simple, straightforward, and honest.  It lacks fanfare.  And it involves sacrifice.  One need not be warm and fuzzy to love this way.

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