Pastor's Corner 23 Jul 2007 07:09 pm
Wired to worship differently…
So I’ve been thinking about how autism affects my spiritual life—I know it does, because autism affects every other aspect of my life. For as long as I can remember, spirituality has been a hard thing for me. See, the images that most people use when speaking of God—being held by, comforter, lover, friend, etc. don’t sit well with me. They never have, and I have always felt spiritually inadequate because of that. I thought I wasn’t trying hard enough, or that maybe I secretly didn’t want to be that close to God. But I don’t think that’s true—consider my dismay at “common” Christianity, and you will realize (hopefully) that I love God and want to live the way Jesus has instructed us to. But, I can’t worship or have a spiritual relationship with God the way neurotypical people do (neurotypicals are people not on the autism spectrum). My brain isn’t wired that way—all that gushy, lovey stuff is very uncomfortable for me. It’s why I don’t like being touched by others; why I can go a whole day without talking to any one. Now, Amanda the optimist would argue that I don’t have to live in the autism box. But I disagree—not only should I live there (because that’s how I’m created), but I’m tired of trying to be what I’m not and doing what isn’t right for me. So, then, how does an autistic person interact with God? Probably much the same way we do with the rest of the world—quietly, contemplatively, and with extreme interest. Well, maybe we aren’t interested in the world as a whole, but what we are interested in we are quite devoted to. And I think we can look for God in the neat things around us—his creation, art, music, maybe even a good meal (I love sharing a meal with friends, and always equate that with the way communion should be). I don’t know (who really does?), but I sure am trying to wade through this spirituality thing.
on 25 Jul 2007 at 2:21 pm 1.Amanda said …
Well, thanks for labeling me an optimist! But I’d have to disagree with my argument. Well, my alleged argument. I would not say that you should try to live outside the autism “box.” And if I’ve implied that in the past…I’m sorry! Maybe I should say I wouldn’t tell you that today. I know that autism is not a syndrome, or a disease that can be cured. Over the past 8 years, I’ve learned more and more how God can reach people through whatever spiritual form best works for them. I’ve also felt inadequate at times when comparing my spirituality to other. In particular, to Evangelicals whose worship style always seemed so…demanding, yet rewarding, to it’s participants.
But I think it’s a great personal growth when one begins to discover how to worship that allows them to be closest to God. And they should pursue that!